"Oh Shit, It's Handjob"

To Hancock, the World is a very scary place. He is scared of being the only one of his kind, destined to a life of solitude, ambiguity, and being the untapped resource of limitless power. He is scared of fulfilling his destiny, to be the God's savior and leader of humanity. He is scared of his past, uncertain and erased from his memory. It seems as though the only thing that Hancock is not scared of is having the general public hate him with an unbelievable passion.

While the flawed anti-hero Hancock's battle with himself may come out thin and diluted on the screen, Hancock boils down to this: An entertaining summer movie that is flawed with ginormous plot holes, but in the end is saved by great performances from it's main players. As everyone already knows, Hancock is played by a love-him-even-though-you-are-suppose-to-hate-him Will Smith.

As a depressed, alcoholic superhero, Smith is able to show a little Fresh Prince, mixed with a little Robert Nellville, and a side of Alex "Hitch" Hitchens. He has already proven that he is a bonafide star¹ and he plays Hancock like a breeze in the park. His timing is spot on and I will laugh at anyone that is drunk on screen². Smith's portayal as a super hero that is scarred of himself and who he exactly is is a theme that should have been more poignant.

After Hancock saves the life of a struggling PR man, the PR man attempts to fix the public image of a superhero who amasses extreme amounts of damage to a city and gives off an asshole complex from across the city. That PR guy, Ray Embrey, is played by Jason Bateman. You might remember Bateman from Arrested Development, Juno, and Teen Wolf Too. It is Bateman who is the real hero of this flick, bringing the everyman into the film and might be the only one on screen who gives a shit about the well-being of mankind³. Smith and Bateman really click when together on screen and both offer hilarious lines.

As Hancock and his nifty PR main start a campaign that will bring Hancock out of the dog house, the all-mighty curveball is thrown in, Ray Emrey's wife, Mary. Mary Emrey is played by Charlize Theron, the steampot, South African, uber-model turned oscar-winning actress. Let me be honest, Mary Emrey is by far the worst character in the flick, but Theron does the best with what is given to her. There is a point in this film (and that point being when the wheels nearly fall off the entire plot), that left me confused and a little disappointed involving her character.

It is the PR campaign that Hancock goes through that encompasses the best of the film. When the plot strays and goes into a weird, convoluted mythos extravaganza that involves "duels," amnesia and "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" like plot lines, Hancock forgets the point.

When you go to this film, enjoy the Back to the Future like dialogue ("Call me an asshole one. more. time"), Will Smith working on his image, heads being shoved up asses, and the inner turmoil of loneliness. Forget about the "whaaaaaa???" moments and pointless twists.

1. So much so that I forgive him being a Scientologist, Men In Black II, and even Wild Wild West.
2. Especially drunk flying, drunk eating, and drunk putting an SUV on a sky scrapper tower.
3. By the way, as a PR major, it is good to see a positive light to a vastly shunned field of work.

Dave and HBO - Like the Ross and Rachel of Media Relations

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Father Knows Best

I lucked out when it came to parents. They taught me everything I needed to know, and I taught them how many times their son could be handcuffed and/or placed in detention. Half of that equation, my dad, is the most ballin' father ever.

So in honor of pops, here are my top ten fathers in film. Some are good, some are evil. All are fathers.

10. Professor Henry Jones - Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

What better way to kick off the list than with Indiana Jone's father, Henry. Played by Sean Connery, the cagey old man was not only banging the same chick as his son, he was the driving force for Indy to grab the grail.

Mix in fighting Nazi's, helping his son relinquish his search for the grail, and drinking from the same cup as Jesus H. Christo, Professor Henry Jones was one good dad.

9. George Banks - Father of the Bride

This dad had a lot on his plate. Handing his only daughter off to some random kid, dropping thousands of dollars for the wedding, and Martin Short's flamboyant character, Franck Eggelhoffer. Did I also mention a blue suit at a wedding? Mr. Banks still pulled it out and gave me one the closest man tear moments for any Steve Martin movie.

Let us not forget about Father of the Bride 2. George Banks knocks up his wifey the same time his daughter is about to pop one out? Give this dad a man-card.

8. Jack Torrence - The Shining

Okay, so he tried to kill his son. Big whoop, want to fight about it? Before chasing his boy down for a beating of epic proportions, Mr. Torrence talked to ghosts, typed the same sentence thousands of times, and went generally batshit crazy. Good dad? No. Good psychopathic killer? Absolutely. Heeeeeeeeerrrrreeeee's a shitty dad!

7. Wayne Szalinksi - Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Having a dad who is a bird-brained inventor has to be some of the most fun on the planet. He had a contraption that looked like a ray-gun that could destroy the world, and he keeps it in the attic, unlocked. Not the best call a dad can make, but let's face it, that was one fun adventure thanks to Mr. Dad himself, Wayne Szalinksi.

And if shrinking the kids was not enough, he blew up his baby a couple years later. Give kudos to the mother one that one though, she saved the day and allowed my pre-pubescent self to oggle at Keri Russell for a little longer than necessary.

6. Don Vito Corleone - The Godfather

Let me make an offer you can't refuse.  This movie father gave his son one of the best gifts possible, control of the most cut throat, deadly mafia in movie history.

Don Vito Corleone was quiet and carried a big stick.  That stick being an uzi and a nack for business.  If only he didn't enjoy oranges so much.

5.  Jason 'Furious' Styles - Boyz in the Hood

Talk about an uphill battle.  How do you steer your only son in the right direction when living in Compton?  Guns, drugs, gangs, and Jason Styles helps his boy grow up into a decent dude.

Fun fact:  Laurence Fishburne, who plays Jason Styles, is only six and a half years older than Cuba Gooding Jr., who plays his son.

4.  Daniel Hillard/Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire - Mrs. Doubtfire

Oh good god.  Robin Williams as a desparate dad who dresses up like a post-menopausal, sweet old nanny for some QT with his kids.  

Over-acting has never been so good.  

3.  Peter Mitchell, Michael Kellam, Jack Holden - 3 Men and a Baby

Talk about the top 3 actors of the 80s.  Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Gutch-Gutch himself, Steve Guttenberg.  You put these three together, and you have one decent dad.

These high-life bachelors were living the good life until one of their girlfriends drops a baby off at their doorstep.  Let the comedy ensue!

Seriously though, these womanizing, go-getters ended up being such successful dads, they opted for 3 Men and a Little Lady.

2.  Darth Vader - Stars Wars

By far the worst father on this list.  What a son of a bitch.  Kidnap your own daughter, strike one.  Cut off your son's arm, strike two.  Add salt to the wound by announcing, "hey by the way, I am your daddy!"  Strike-fucking-three.

Although he does redeem himself in the end, the damage is done.  Homeboy killed nearly everyone he cared about, and did it in a gruesome fashion.  Plus The Phantom Menace was absolutely atrocious.  Shame on you young pade-won.

1.  Clark Griswald - Vacation Movies

Oh Clark.  You tried so hard.  All he wanted to do was have some great family bonding.  While the first vacation ended with one dead aunt, one dead dog, and a hostage situation, Clark's goal was met.  The family made it to Wally World and rode the ride.

Let us not forget the great father-son moment when Clark and Rusty share a beer.  Clark takes a sip, Rusty finishes the rest.

Christmas vacation was almost just as good.  The sleigh ride showed his knack for danger, getting stuck in the attic showed his commitment to surprising his family, and what father wouldn't want his whole family there for the holidays (even if that includes Cousin Eddy).

Big ups to Mike Welch and Kellen Woods for their input on the list.

Getchya Popcorn Ready

Ahh...Summer time. When people enjoy pool parties, barbecues, and camping trips. Too bad I am not one of those people. Instead I am waiting tables, watching hours of movies and TV shows, and making sure my well-maintained winter tan isn't ruined. What better way to keep everything on an even keel than hitting the theaters once a week for the usual summer blockbusters.

We are already well into the summer movie season and have had some surprise gems (Iron Man) and some colossal disappointments (I knew Indiana Jones was going to be a let down as soon as he survived a nuclear fucking attack). I will be going to the theaters at least once a week from here on out, so here is my preview for what I am going to see.


June 13

The Incredible Hulk

Ed Norton is Mr. Consistent when it comes to movies. Fight Club. Red Dragon. Death to Smoochy. Okay, lose the third one and Mr. Norton is still one of Hollywood's brightest. Enter The Incredible Hulk, in which Gamma-Ray-Ridden fugitive Dr. Bruce Banner must utilize the genetic accident that transforms him into the world's worst roid' rage case to stop a homicidal soldier that turns himself into one giant, ugly son of a bitch.


Norton, the fanboy geek that he is, co-wrote the script and had a lot of say in the decisions for the film. Since my hetero-man-crush on Norton has already been well established, I am there with gamma-ray-ridden bells on.


Get jacked on these clips.

The Happening

I chose to stay away from M. Night Shyamalan's last dud, Lady in the Water. I still liked Signs, Unbreakable, and like everyone else, The Sixth Sense. This time around M. Night has put on his daddy pants and is ready to kick it R style.


The Happening stars Marky Mark Wahlberg and a funky bunch that includes Zooey Deschnanel and John Leguizamo. It's a paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity. That large-scale threat being that people are started to kill themselves in the rowdiest ways possible. Seriously, who would off their self by sprawling out in front of an industrial lawn mower?


M. Night better get R. Tight. As in real tight. Because if this film ends up deserving to off itself, my loyalty for this wack-job director is as good as a Jager shot in front of one of my friends at last call. GONE.


June 20

Get Smart

For you young whippersnappers, this film is based on an old Mel Brooks TV show that I watched religiously on Nick at Nite. Get Smart revolves around a top-secret government agency called CONTROL and their number one bumbling idiot agent, Maxwell Smart, who always gets the job done.


I think I gravitated to Agent Smart because he was a hero as well as an uncoordinated mess who also happened to bag ultra-foxy Agent 99.


This time around Maxwell Smart is played by Steve Carrell, who has some explaining to do after Dan in Real Life (pretentious), and Evan Almighty (retarded). Agent 99 is played by Anne Hathaway as well as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as Agent 23.


I am genuinely jacked up for this one, and I have my fingers crossed that The Rock doesn't ruin this movie for me with a corny eye-brow raise or by attempting to act whatsoever.


June 27

Wanted

Everyone dreams of living an adventurous life. Some see that as being a professional athlete, some see it as being a fireman. I see it as being a murderous assassin.

Wanted is one my most anticipated movies for three reasons. First, it's based on a graphic novel (comic book for the cool kids out there). How much ass did Sin City and 300 kick? Exactly. And this movie should not be any less. The graphic novel was written by Mike Millar, who worked on X-Men as well as Spiderman.

Second, these assassins have the ability to curve bullets. That might be the most bad ass skill since Neo dodged bullets in The Matrix. If I could curve bullets, I would use a gun for everything. Turning on lights, opening beers, getting people to move out of my way at bars, it would be like my cane. Get me whatever spinach these assassins are eating so I can start blasting my 9 mili' ASAP.

Finally, this ensemble of actors seems to have the right combination. James McAvoy straight killed it in Atonement, Morgan Freeman is one of my all time favorites, and Angelina Jolie, well, it's Angelina Jolie. I would curve bullets for her.

July 2

Hancock

It is the superhero movie for raging alcoholics. Hancock, starring Old' Yeller impersonator Will Smith, is about a depressed, alcoholic guy with superhuman powers and uses them for good and/or destroying property in the process. Can you imagine how much fun it would be to drink a couple cool ones and then do some drunk flying? Think about all the free drinks you could win at the bars with bets. For example: "I bet you 20 shots I can fly." BAM, free drinks the whole night.

Anyways, Will Smith still draws me to the theaters and Charlize Theron as the female lead and

Teen Wolf Too himself, Jason Bateman (he was also in Arrested Development and Juno) as the sidekick comic relief makes Hancock one I am marking my calender for.

July 3

The Wackness

Hey, remember the 90's? Not the shitty, mainstream 90's that VH1 always has untalented, wittless comedians talking about, but the real 90's. Well, The Wackness revisits those golden years circa Luke Shapiro (played by Drake and Josh's Josh Peck), a recent high school grad that slangs dope to save money for college in NYC.

It was a hit at Sundance, it has Sir Ben Kingsley ripping a bong, and it has Famke Janssen, Mary Kate Olsen, and Method Man in the cast. See you there.

July 17

The Dark Knight

Let me put this into perspective. I have been waiting for The Dark Knight like a fat kid waits for his friends birthday so he can gorge himself out on cake and ice cream. For you loyalists, you know how much I rant about the viral marketing that has been fueling the hype for this flick, and of course, the death of Heath Ledger was tragic. Along with the success of Batman Begins, this movie has an opportunity to smash box office records.

I went to the IMAX showing of I Am Legend that had the first five minutes of The Dark Knight. It was a robbery scene involving the Joker, and if those five minutes are anything like the rest of the flick, Spiderman 2 and X2: X-Men United will have some stiff competition for the greatest superhero film yet.

It seems like a mix of Heat and Batman Begins, with the chaos of a psychopathic clown that uses shivs and knives as much as he laughs (creepily laughs). Let me put this into perspective. If I had the opportunity to see this movie right now on the condition that I name my first born Small Dick Pussy Loser, well, Sorry Small Dick Pussy Loser, I hope you have some thick skin.

August 8

The Pineapple Express

Judd Apatow has become Hollywoods permanent source of untapped material. The 40-Year-Old-Virgin was mind-blowingly hilarious, Knocked Up showed laughs and heart, and Superbad had me using direct quotes in real life situations for months afterward (Chicka chicka, McLovin' style). His next feature is The Pineapple Express which follows Seth Rogen as Dale Denton, a stoner who gets his drug dealer Saul Silver (played by James Franco), into a murderous conspiracy while pursuing some super-weed called, you guessed it, The Pineapple Express.

Apatow is a genius. If you caught me at, say, 4:20, do you know what kind of movie I would want to see? Here would be my direct quote.

"Uhmm, where are the fuckin' Doritos bro? Hold up, let's put a movie on dude. Something like, uhmm, where are my shoes? Anyway, let's watch something like Half Baked and The Fugitive put together...."

And bam, Apatow has created an Action/Comedy for those who burn down. I am formally submitting my request of sainthood for Apatow. May the comedy gods shine bright on you and your bongs Mr. Apatow.

August 15

Tropic Thunder

Maybe you've seen the last flick Ben Stiller directed. Maybe you quote it on a weekly to bi-weekly basis. Maybe you've joined the Facebook group, Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Or maybe, just maybe, you have gasoline fights with all of your metrosexual friends. Regardless, Stiller is still a comedic genius (I am sweeping Heartbreak Kid under the rug), and his next directorial debut is Tropic Thunder.

The film revolves around a group of actors who go to a boot camp to train for a movie they are preparing to shoot. With Ben Stiller at the helm, Jack Black bringing his usual schtick, and Robert Downey Jr. playing an uptight Australian actor who undergoes surgery to become black, Tropic Thunder might strike lightening at the box office.

Did I miss any movies I should see? Let me know.

Real World and The Book of Faces: Part Two

With a little over a third of this seasons The Real World under our belts, we can see how each of the roomies have fallen into their little niche.  The seven strangers have started to draw battle lines of domestic crisis and have been bickering like they have cameras on them and every conversation is actually a debate (oh wait).

How does one get comfortable on camera yet trying to be the person they are?  It's easy, just file yourself into one of the seven niches that The Real World is known for.

Chuck Klosterman, author of "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" has a terrific chapter on The Real World, and I will be stealing his thoughts and adding my own seasoning.  Picture Klosterman being the Martha Stewart of the blog with me being the shitty celebrity that Martha attempts to teach to cook.

After watching these seven strangers get synced up with their predetermined demographic, I realized that everyone with a Facebook account does the exact same thing.  Let's take a look at the Hollywood cast and what their demographics Facebook profile would look like.

Joey:  The boarder-line-schizophrenic-roid-monkey-with-mommy-issues.  They always have one guy who is way too tan, way to jacked up, and uses way too much hair products.  Think Brad from San Diego, CT from Paris, and Dunbar in Australia.

Let's begin with Joseph's status.  I am almost positive that in his status bar (i.e. Joey is....), would include his new max-out records for isolated bicep curls, dead lifts, and number of jager-bombs consumed the night before (or maybe that night, Joey seems like the kind of dude to check out his Facebook site after getting home all shitfaced at a crazy night at Wash bar). 

Activities: Jagerbombs.  Weights. CHICKS, MAN. 

Favorite Music:  Linkin Park, Nickelback, any early 90's hair band (including Ratt).

Favorite TV Shows:  I am going to assume that Joey is in a frat.  With that being said, if you are trying to be in the Joey niche, you will say "Sports" and "Sports" alone for the favorite show section.

Favorite Books: The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons.

Kimberly:  The Naive Virginal Southerner Who's Vaguely Foxy.  If this chick's Facebook page had a motif, it would be gum drops and lollipops, with unicorns and rainbows flying in every direction.  Did I also mention that members of the KKK would be riding the unicorns?  This chick is a blatant bigot and doesn't even know it (i.e. telling poor stripper Brianna to 'not get all ghetto,' and decisively stating that black people are dumb and slobs in the first episode).

Interests:  You bet your sweet, southern ass Shopping is on this list.  Fashion, celebrities and I am going to go with, um, let's say, bubble baths, kittens and George W. Bush are front and center on this ditzy chicks interests.

Favorite Music:  "Anything but rap," Country Music, and John Mayer.

Favorite Movies: Finding Nemo, The Notebook, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

Favorite Books:  The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, THE BIBLE (which she has actually never read, but wants to get brownie points from Jesus Christ).

Dave:  All American White Guy! Oh man, it's every Mom's dream boy for their daughter.  Clean cut, boarder line metrosexual, and short enough to fit in your pocket.  Seriously, The Real World always brings the ambitious white mainstream male to their show with this casting.  

This dude would have the most Facebook friends for sure.  It is like that frat-boy kid you 'kind of know' with like 500 friends on the Book of Faces.  It is only after really chillin' with this dude that you realize that all of his 500 Facebook friends only 'kind of' know him just like you.  It is not that he's phony, he has just stretched himself out way too much to have any substantial friendship with anyone. Expect the most generic Facebook page ever, with up-to-the-minute pop culture references and an obscene amount of Facebook applications.

Interests:  "Wherever life takes me" or some stupid bullshit like that. Also, Partying, drinking, CHICKS MAN.

Favorite Shows:  CSI, Sportcenter, Gossip Girl (OMG).

Favorite Movies: Blow, The Notebook, Any movies with my heteroman crush Brad Pitt.

Favorite Books: The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons

Sarah:  The bitchy chick that not only thinks she is better than you, she knows it.  Her moral high ground is so high, her conscious is atop Mt. Everest while your scumbag ass is in the Mariana Trench.  She is stuck up, has a terrible boyfriend, and will stop at nothing to save your soul.  If you are the Sarah type, god bless you.  Or god bless me, because according to you, I am a heathen who will be in hell while you braid Jesus' hair in Heaven.

Since the Sarah type is so conceited she would have two Facebook pages, one for her and one for her fucking ego, consider the one page a shrine to herself.  Her status section would include a laundry list of accomplishments (OMG, I am a newscaster for my State college broadcast channel!!).

Favorite Activities: Praising Jesus, Children With Disabilities Volunteer,  Working out

Interests: Chocolate, "My only vice", My shitty boyfriend who is not only a tool, but a fucking hugey, Dancing, "Basically anything active"

Favorite Movies:  The Notebook, actually any romantic comedy that shows off Matthew McConaughey six pack.

Favorite Books:  The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons.

Will:  The dorky guy who is probably the coolest one out of the seven.  Caring about anything will never be cool, and if you are in the Will category (like me), consider yourself a dorkus malorkus.  Why is the dork the coolest one out of the seven Facebook types?  Because it is the one Facebook page that actually portrays the person the best.  Will will probably never get the credit of being the best cast member, that will go to Sarah and Dave by becoming part of the next RW/RR Challenge (Dave will eventually get his head torn off by CT in one the elimination challenges.  By the way, the elimination challenges just need to be a gladiator type brawl with an assortment and terrible medieval weapons.   Now THAT is a gauntlet).

The "Will type Facebook page" will include things that people won't understand, or give the impression that he's a pretentious asshole when he is not.  In other words, you want to see a Will Facebook page, see mine.

Brianna:  The slutty roommate.  Let me count the ways I love you.  From your shitty choice of tattoos (the tramp stamp was a great idea in 2003), to the shitty choice of men (think Joey with less ambition), you continue to butt heads with the stuck up chick (Sarah), and will forever be cooler than her.  You give it up, and we salute you.  How do you describe a slutty chicks Facebook page?  Like this.

Activities:  Going out, drinking, nailing the guy with the biggest belt buckle at the bar, dancing on top of the bars, crying, having daddy issues, my sorority (sorry, low blow), blowing low, and fighting stuck up bitches.

Interests:  Scum bag guys, things that make me cry, daddy issues

Favorite Movies: Honey, The Notebook, Blow

Favorite Books:  The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons

Greg:  The asshole.  Congratulations Greg, you turned the whole house against you in the first 20 seconds of appearing.  You are not only douchey (calling women 'associates', calling yourself the chosen one), you don't care that you are the biggest douche bag of the season.  The asshole has been a staple of The Real World, and because of this, you have earned your own Facebook profile.  Gregg, I fucking hate you.  Here is why:

Interests:  Modeling, degrading women, partying, working out.

Activities:  Pissing people off, being selfish, disregarding everyone else to get ahead in life, getting kicked off the Real World.

Favorite Movies:  Anything with me in it, or anything that resembles me (I look at the mirror instead of movies or television).

Favorite Books: The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons.

Real World and The Book of Faces: Part One

Recently MTV hosted a "Real World" Award show in which they gave awards to the most bat-shit crazy person, hottest chick, and biggest whore (I just realized that if one girl got all of these awards, she would have the triple crown of why I love women).

MTV threw this promotional stint for their numero uno reality program's 20th season taking place in, where the fuck else?, Hollywood.

First and foremost, let me mention that A. Rob and Big is my new number one reality program on MTV, but after the series finale and numerous man-tears rolling off my face, I have to crawl back to the fishbowl of drunken hook ups and the most moronic debates on culture and lifestyle I have ever seen (a gorilla with down's syndrome and my ipod could have a more meaningful conversation on religion relations in the US than Parisa and Trisha's debate on Real World Sydney) and B. this season of the Real World: Hollywood is by far the most audacious casting I have seen .

For example, have you seen these superficial, mildly-offensive previews? Case in point: new blond bombshell Kimberly's answer to who should play her in a movie.

AND I QUOTE: "Paris Hilton. I looooooooovvvvvvvveeee her"

MTV really knows how to capture the culture and transition of a new generation by sweeping up seven of the biggest shallow, insanely hollow 'tards of our generation. They couldn't pick up one mildy intellegent person? Where is the Jacquese? The Teck? The Kelley? Fuck it, give me a libertarian fuck like Puck!?

But nope, we get attractive people who spend more time on their hair then the presidential race. Maybe my old age of 23 is catching up to me and I am out of touch with youth culture. Or maybe, just maybe, MTV is actually doing the right thing.

Case in point an article by Jeff Gordiner in Details magazine. In it, Gordiner asserts that The Real World, regardless of fist fights, drunken stupors, and a sexually-confused black man slapping a small white chick with Lyme disease, the show is an American classic.

"When The Real World made its debut 16 years ago, nobody knew that it would lead to today’s glut of reality programming. But as the series enters its 20th season, it’s begun to look like something we never expected it to be: an American classic," Gordiner said.

Among other things, Gordiner believes that the Real World opened the door for YouTube and Facebook.

"Flip through the book (Real World book) today and contemplate Kat’s favorite song (“Africa,” by Toto), Puck’s favorite snack (“Nuts, exotic ones”), and Becky’s preferred mode of transportation (“I usually walk”), and it doesn't take long to realize that you’re looking at an early, analog blueprint for a social-networking site: the beta version of Facebook. “We’re living in an age where everyone has to be famous,” Gordiner says. “There’s a current belief that every small thing I do is fascinating, so I’m going to share it with all my friends.” If you think about it, what The Real World ultimately wrought is the friending of America, a borderless and invisible network in which everyone’s on a first-name basis with everyone else. We started out with seven strangers. We ended up with thousands, maybe even millions, of best friends forever."

So, is Facebook a channel of being in our own season of The Real World? The truth is disturbing. Check in for part two of this series.....

I Want to Ride My Strickecycle

This Writer's Strike while necessary (I am on Team WGA), has been a horrible ordeal. First was the announcement that because of lack of pilots, Dexter was going to be broadcast for CBS. Are you kidding me? Dexter on basic cable is like going to a strip club where they only show ankles and elbows. Then it was the halt halfway through the production of Lost.

Now it seems the two sides (which sort of remind me of a bad sitcom couple) are re-negotiating.
It first started last Saturday, when the New York Times reported that "major roadblocks" were removed from a resolution.

That following Monday the WGA released a statement warning that the deal was not done despite the rumors from the Times. “The facts: We are still in talks and do not yet have a contract," said WGA President Patric Veronne.

Now on Tuesday, with all the anticipation and informal talks taking place, it seemed like all channels of media were walking on eggshells, worried that they might jinx the work that has progressed. However, Deadline Hollywood wrote an in-depth article that went over some key points.

• A draft is currently being written for a resolution.
• The draft still might be shot down by the board of the WGA.
• A letter was issued to all WGA members that stated, "nothing is official, yet."

While this was all "g'd up from the feet up," the real panty dropper came yesterday when The Edge reported that the strike could and will be resolved by the Oscars. A WGA membership meeting is scheduled for Saturday, which might seal the deal.

So what does this actually mean? It means a full-fledged Oscar Ceremony (which is deserving with how good cinema has been lately). It means our favorite shows will be back by fall or even earlier, and it means my social life will continue its downward spiral to me becoming the creepy dude with snakes that smells like catnip and hotdogs. But hey, at least I'll have my Lost!

The Beginning of the End...of me going to class on Fridays

Any non-Lost fans need not read this post. With that said, let the ravenous fanboy rant begin. Ahem.

The first episode of this season of Lost injected the series with a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart. The adrenaline was the inescapable tension between the two camps that were divided and the heart was in the form of the most lovable character on the show, Hugo "Hurley" Reyes.

Let's start with the rising altercation between Jack and Locke. The man of science and the man of faith have always butted heads during the show, but lines were offiically drawn when Jack pulled the trigger on our bald "Communicator of the island" with no effect (the gun wasn't loaded). This act foreshadows that while the two have divided the survivors by who they follow, this is nowhere near complete.

Speaking of the two camps divided, there were some serious surprises on who joined who. Rose and Bernard staying with Jack? Correct me if I am wrong, but if Rose leaves the island, she is inevitably donezo, so why split from the one man who's ultimate goal is to stay on the island?

And Sawyer and Kate splitting up? Maybe Jack's "I love you" to Kate in the season 3 finale meant more than the late night tent romps that the two were doing.

If I crashed on that island, I think I would go with the dude with possibly the most bad-ass scar of all time, the ex-Iraqi soldier, and the Scot who can see the future. Then again, Hurley went with them and apologized to Jack about it in the flash forward.

Speaking of the flash forward, kudos to Damon Lindelof and Cartlon Cuse for such an excellent written section of the show. Here's the true genious: we are starting to watch flashbacks of the flashforward that took place in the season 3 finale. Those two just officially hooked me. Hopefully they can line and sinker my ass within the first eight episodes of this season.

Here are some other points of interest:
-Hurley not only seeing Christian Shepard in the rocking chair in Jacob's cabin, but Jacob's eye as well.
-Favorite line of the show: Sawyer while cocking the rifle "And I thought I was going to get a good nights sleep for once." You sir, are a Bad Ass Mother Fucker.
-Charlie in the flashforward? Something tells me that the "it" that Hurley alluded to while playing horse with Jack was what Charlie "was." Ya dig?
-Ben, the snarky bastard, is still outsmarting Jack. I'd like to see him get a knife in the back like Naomi, but if she can set up a false trail, climb a tree, out-muscle Kate, then fix a satelite phone BEFORE kizzing out, a head shot would suffice.

That concludes the insidious fanboy rant. Stay tuned tomorrow for a recap of the apparent breaks in the writer's strike.

Back In Black

Ladies and Gentlemen, your boy is back.

After a two month sabbatical full of laughs and tears I am back to blogging to let my media retarded friends and confidants back into the light. Before I discuss what is happening in the present, allow me to hit a couple of points on what went on in the media industry during my break.

Of course, the death of Heath Ledger. Let's not forget that this actor was addicted to his craft as much as I am with internet porn. His work in The Dark Knight will be regarded as his send off, a eulogy of sort. So show some respect and go see it July 18th. Rest in peace you damn Aussie, and throw some shrimp on the barbie for me up there.

Next, Cloverfield. I am formally pledging my allegiance to J.J. Abrams and his production company Bad Robot. Word on the street is my film professor Jon Lupo hated on it. My suggestion to him is to stop watching artsy, depressing films from the 1920s and get down with some postmodernism.

Cloverfield, while shaky and jarring, was an exhilarating ride that might kick start a new genre for people to enjoy. Is it the new Citizen Kane? No. Was it worth the price of my ticket? Abso-fucking-lutley.

I read like a hermit this break as well. I went on a Palahniuk tangent. Rant, Survivor, Choke, and Lullaby were all demolished as well as a book on Buddhism and decision making. For the love of god, whoever is reading this pick up Rant.

Okay, now that that's out of the way let us discuss the present. And by present I mean future. As in, flash forward LOST style. The season premiere is tomorrow and I am ready to piss my pants in anticipation. Here are some articles for you to get as jacked up as I am.

So my media-retarded friends, get ready to be media-savvy once again.