Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Watch These

What's up gang.  It's a recession, depression around these parts, and while I would love to "pop the cris" and make it rain at the local burlesque parlor, the wallets tight, and it's not getting any sluttier. 

So to help keep you financially secure, here are the movies I will check this month on the weekend instead of ordering Bear Fights.

April 3 - Adventureland

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Director Greg Mattola is already being hailed as the next John Hughes, who had such 80s classics like Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Breakfast Club.

With Superbad already under his belt, you can bet dollars to donuts my ass will be planted at the theater for his follow up.

Adventure land is a comedy set in the summer of 1987 and centered around a recent college grad who takes a nowhere job at his local amusement park, only to find it's the perfect course to get him prepared for the real world.  As a recent college grad who needs a summer job instead of blogging to the 13 people that actually read this blog, maybe this will give me some motivation.

Let's not forget about the cast.  We have two of SNL's best with Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, my new goth-crush/Deadly Attraction worthy Kristen Stewart, and new comer Jesse Eisenberg.





April 10th - Observe and Report

Everything about this movie looks funny.  It looks like what Paul Bart: Mall Cop wanted to be if it wasn't for Happy Madison Productions  deciding to appeal to soccer moms of the planet (Grandma's Boy excluded).  Seth Rogen is kicking ass and taking names as Ronnie Barnhardt, head of mall security, who has a psychotic streaker on his hands. 

Driven to protect and serve the mall and its patrons, Ronnie seizes the opportunity to showcase his underappreciated law enforcement talents on a grand scale, hoping his solution of this crime will earn a coveted spot at the police academy and the heart of his elusive dream girl Brandi, the hot make-up counter clerk who won't give him the time of day.

Seth Rogen is on a hot-streak and I don't think this one will disappoint.



April might be the best month for sports (The Final Four, Opening Day, WrestleMania, first month of baseball, start of the NBA and NHL playoffs, The Masters, the NFL draft), but it is definitely the calm before the storm of the summer movie madness. A summer movie preview will be up shortly.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lost: Our You is an Acid Making Hippie


This week's episode of television's equivalent of crystal meth was a throw-back to the good ol' days of season one, where character development fueled the plot and daddy issues were the forefront of every conflict.

It also showcased everyone's favorite Iraqi torturer as we followed him through his international quest for blood. To weed out the time paradoxes theories and the potential cat-fight between Juliet and Kate, I've brought in some reinforcements in my big brother Mike.

Wilson: Let me start out by saying how much I enjoyed the structure of "He's Our You." It was a flashback episode. Not a time jump flashback, or a flashforward/flashback, just a good old fashioned flashback. We got to see Sayid's dirty deeds have been done dirt cheap since childhood, snapping chicken's necks for the acceptance of his father.

Mike: Oh I agree about the structure. As awesome as season 5 has been, it's nice to have a "classic" character driven episode to remind us why we all watch Lost. Yeah, the mythology of the show is great and the story itself is compelling, but to paraphrase a famous political quote regarding the economy, "it's the characters, dummy." as for young Sayid snappin' a chicken McNeck, what else can be said than it's his nature...

Wilson: "Nature vs. nurture, Scott, nature vs. nurture." We can all agree that while it was shocking to see Sayid buck heat into a kid (even if it is a sadistic sociopath kid), everyone wants the maniacal Iraqi on their side. In other words, while his nature is to bring pain to fools who don't know what time it is, we all like him. But let's begin with the flashback of Sayid emptying his clip into Widmore's Russian contact and the conversation with Ben. While it was no surprise that we would see this, I was shocked to see that Ben was channeling his inner Major Arnold Toht:






Mike: It's uncanny. I expected Ben to ask Sayid to help him find the Headpiece of Ra so they could locate the Ark before the Americans, but instead he dumped him, kicked him to the curb, or in Ben's twisted mind, set him free. This, of course, crushed Sayid. After losing Nadia, all Sayid had to live for was revenge and killing those that, according to Ben at least, worked for Widmore and posed a threat to the few people alive that mean anything to him, the Oceanic 6.

Wilson: Now cut three years into the future and thirty years into the past, and Sayid has yet again been stepped on. His first reunion with a fellow Oceanic member was Jin (who I might add has better english than me) and he gets a rifle pulled on him. Next thing he knows he's in the clink with Lil' Ben bringing him chicken sandwiches. This dude was already lost, and now he is truly flying solo. Used, abused, and now getting shit talked to him by Uncle Rico. Life is rough for our assassin with passion.

On the other hand, our boy Sawyer is living the highlife. He's shacked up with Juliet, who has got progressively hotter as the show has progressed. He strikes fear into all that work for him (I think Phil needed a change of undies when 'LaFleur' told him to take a lunch), and he still spits out one-liner's like sunflower seeds ("Three years no burnin' buses and your back one day").

Mike: Well Sawyer's living the high life in Dharma land because he's had three years to build it up. the reunion between Sawyer and the time crew and the Oceanic 6 reminded me a lot of having an old friend, someone you haven't seen for, oh, three years, visit you. They get there, you high five, grab some brews, then your long lost friend starts acting like you guys did 7 years and a college degree ago. We saw it last week with the Jack visit. Jack wanted action, action, action, while Sawyer has moved on to more thinking, thinking, thinking. And speaking of Juliet, I'm glad that the show is trying to hammer home that Juliet and Sawyer are 1. in love with each other and 2. happy together.

One thing that puzzled me though, was what Sayid expecting to do if Sawyer let him go? Not stay in Dharmaville, and I can't see him joining up with Alpert (and presumably Rose and Bernard and everyone's third favorite yellow lab Vincent).

Wilson: Yeah, Sayid has always been a lone-wolf, but he's in 1974 and doesn't want to live on the beach by himself. Regarding Suliet (yeah, I went there), I am really rooting for them. When Juliet expressed her worries of their 'playing house' was over, I wanted to put on Wham!'s "Careless Whisper" on and cry myself to sleep. But I digress.

In regards to the Hurley, Jack and Kate, they seemed resigned to taking orders. Which is a new dynamic the show has brought in. Hurley's loving it. Kate seems what I can only describes as applicable, and Jack, well, what do you make of Jack?

Mike: I like this new roll-with-the-punches Jack. I like that he's willing to give Sawyer the benefit of the doubt and let him do his thing. It's actually showing, dare I say it, growth of Dr. Shepard.

Wilson: True that. But I doubt it will last. He's got to have growing pains adjusting to his new role, but I think next week we'll see him stepping up to the plate assisting in the saving a Ben "Donnie Darko" Linus.

Speaking of which, I would be emo too if Uncle Rico was my father and he threw me around for putting meat in between two piece of bread. Speaking of other Dharma Folk, how kickass has the casting been?

Mike: Put-me-me-in-a-coma-for-three-days-kick ass. We have Mad Men, 24, Friday Night Lights, and Deadwood represented in Dharma land.

And regarding Ben's dad, I think it's a testimate to how much Sayid truly loathes Ben that even after seeing him get roughed up by his old man, seeing Ben in a sympathetic light, he still loathes Ben enough to blow him away.

Wilson: While Sayid's hatred for Linus knows no bounds, it was truly amazing watching Oldham dose Sayid up with three hits of the finest LSD on the island. If you've dabbled in mind-bending drugs, you knew the exact moment Sayid started feeling it. The look on his face was priceless. Highs. Lows. Smiles. Frowns. It was a wacky, drug fueled emotional roller coaster that I havent seen since my last trip to Bonaroo. His laughing was hysterical and terrifying at the same time.



Mike: Right? I wouldn't mind being tortured by the Dharma Initiative. One thing that bugged me though. Horace Goodspeed is the on island leader of Dharma. Pierre Chang/Marvin Candle/Miles' dad is on the island studying the unique properties that he theorizes could make time travel possible. You have to assume that Goodspeed knows the nature of Chang's experiments, why are they so fast to reject Sayid's confession that he is from the future as drug enduced lies? And I want this on the record, it hurts me to think that Radzinksy survives the purge. If anyone deserves to be gassed then thrown in a mass grave it's that guy.

Wilson:
True that. Although he weasels his way out of the purge, I take full satisfaction in knowing he puts a 12-gauge on his chin and gets hyphy.

Here's the thing regarding their disbelief in Sayid's statements. This could still be the beginning of the DI, we don't know how much they truly know about the island and it's David Blaine-ish properties. And let's not forget he was tripping his balls off. Anything I hear someone saying on acid is like backwoods half-speak. It's better to tell them "shusha naw y'hear" and let them stare at your Zeppelin poster.

Plus, at Dharma's town-hall meeting, I really got the feeling that they were on their way to icing Sayid before they even took him to Oldham.

Mike: Oh mos def. I'd like to know a few things about the relationship between Dharma and the hostiles. We know that it is contentious, but what led to the truce? Why do the "hostiles" tolerate the Dharma people living on their island? I think it goes back to why they let the Oceanic survivors stay there. Remember the scene in "The Hunting Party" (season 2), Tom (rest his gay, overweight soul) claimed the only reason they were still alive on the island was that the hostiles/others let them. I think that high up in the others' heirarchy, maybe Alpert or Jacob himself, need them there. Also what are the terms of the truce?

Wilson: These things will be weeded out by the finale (hopefully). Because Ben gets icy on Dharma, the Other's of seasons 1,2,3 and 4 are actually the hostiles, so what Tom said sticks to the truce that we will see.

Back to the episode. Somehow, someway, Sayid takes 'dimwit' Phil out and manages to ninja flip the original gangster Jin all the while tripping his balls off before doing "what he was suppose to do," which was shooting a pre-teen in the gizzard.

Mike: Which brings up an interesting moral dilemma. The Ben that Sayid shot hadn't done any of the things that Sayid hates adult Ben for so much. The purge. The manipulating. The lies. And it clearly destroyed him, shooting a child, even one that turns into a Hitler analogue in Sayid's mind. He looked so tore up, I thought for a second he was going to put the gun in his own mouth and just eat a bullet after shooting Ben, who we know isn't dead. I'd wager Jin wakes up with a quickness (it was one punch after all, and if anyone could hold their own against Sayid I'd say Jin probably has a pretty good shot) and gets young Mr. Linus to Dharma land.

Wilson: Yeah, no way Ben is donezo. But we'll find out next week. Any closing bullet points?

Mike:
  • The list Ms. Clue gave Michael to bring to the others in the Season 2 episode, "Three Minutes." Kate, Jack, Hurley, and Sawyer. All members of Dharma with a young Ben.
  • Kate did not come back for Sawyer, I'm sure she was about to tell him what happened to aaron that forced her to go back to the island.
  • And again, for the first time in a while, I like Jack.
Anything else you'd like to add?

Wilson: Just one. I need more Desmond, Locke, and Faraday like I need more cowbell.

That's it for now kiddo's. In the meantime, throw some Geronimo Jackson on and call Rosie for those pot brownies and have yourself a hootenanny!  See you next week.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

First Impressions

My pappy use to always say, 'you never get a second chance at a first impression.'  He also said 'if there's grass on the field, play ball,' but that's neither here nor there.  First impressions often dictate the type of relationship the parties involved will have, and when it comes to television, first impressions lie in their "introductions."

You know what I'm talking about.  It is at the very start of a program, when titles and credits are rolled with a catchy tune and flashy graphics.  Some televisions introductions have risen to incredible heights, painting a brilliant mosaic of the programs themes, inner dialogue and spirit. Other television introductions seem to be created by a team of  autistic babies.

How can you tell when you are watching a intro-masterpiece?  It's when you know the exact moment Eriq LaSalle takes a knee with a claw/hammer punch combination.  It's when the entire Winslow family is pushing the door shut on 95 pound Steven Q. Urkel.  It's the feeling of knowing for the next 30-60 minutes you will be in good hands.  Here are the elite that employ a bevy of tactics to keep viewers hooked.

Growing Pains



You can't get any better than a cheezy duet to introduce a show.  The woman singing sounds like Stevie Nicks on whippets and the guy could be the host of karaoke night at a sleazy bar in Reno.  But use them as the back drop to the evolving Seaver family, and it makes you want to be adopted.  This introduction encompasses what the 80s introductions were all about.  Bad song, bad hair, and Kirk Cameron. 

Dexter



Fun fact about the song being played as our favorite psychopathic serial killer gets ready for work: human bones were used to make certain noises in the song.  If that doesn't get you in the mindset for an hour of stalking and merking, you might need to talk to someone.  

What I really love about this introduction is how gruesome the most menial things can look with the right sound effects and camera angles.  Even squeezing your own juice can look like a scene straight from Midnight Meat Train.

Per television critic Jim Emerson, "The first time you see it... it tells you everything you need to know about the character." This intro is so good it won an Emmy in 2007 for "Outstanding Main Title Design", while the title music was also nominated for "Outstanding Original Main Title Theme Music" in the same season.

The Wonder Years

                              

Is it acceptable to cry during an introduction?  If you were my age growing up, there was no greater toil to the prepubescent mind then Miss Winnie Cooper.  This "home video" really drove home the themes of The Wonder Years.  You had the whole dysfunctional family.  The 'take no bullshit' dad, the peppy mom, hippie sister and rat-bastard brother.   Throw in the geeky friend and the girl of every twelve-year-olds dreams, and you got yourself a tour of a great introduction.

And how could I not mention the song?  Joe Cocker gets nostalgic with a little help from his friends and belts out a keeper that resonates with the young and old.  Now if I could only have the moronic robber from Home Alone be my inner-dialogue.....

Baywatch   

                                
This introduction is so good, it needs to be in slow-motion the entire time for our brains to process its awesomeness.  Being a former professional aquatics life protector myself, I understand the peril and dangers of the water.  Good thing every woman on this show had their own set of flotation devices.  Hayo! Rimshot! I'm lonely.

Quantum Leap



My guess is that the majority of you will not remember this sci-fi classic.  However, my brother and I never missed an episode.  The brilliance of this intro is that you can watch it and know exactly what is going on without seeing a previous episode.  

Plus, check out those futuristic threads!  Adults get to wear footsies in the future?  Sign me up for that cryogenic freezing business, and for the love of god, freeze me in this:

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Friends 

                               
There's a good chance I'll get my man-card revoked for writing about this, but EVERYONE knows what I'm talking about when I mention the mid-clap, clap, clap, clap break during this introduction.  The precision that had to be taken during the editing of this introduction is crucial.  I'm assuming this is how the creative team discussed the crafting of this intro:

"Okay, on the count of three, they all need open their multi-colored umbrellas at the exact moment the song begins takeoff."

"Right.  Also, Ross has to dance like he has epilepsy and is about to go into convulsions."

"Sounds good, but is there anyway we can dress them as if Boyz II Men just had a major wardrobe malfunction?"

"I think we can swing that.  As long as Matt Le Blanc gets to wear his favorite turtle neck shirt I think we're good."

AND scene.

Get Smart


I have yet to watch this remake with Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway.  Partly because I heard it was garbage and partly because of my fierce loyalty to the original program.  The beauty of this introduction is the changing of cars every season.  You know if Max was rolling in a 1969 Opel GT at the start, you were witnessing the latter episodes, with Max and Agent 99 getting married and having kids.  If he was driving a 1965 Sunbeam Tiger, you were starting fresh at the start.  It's all about the details in introductions.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air


A six-pack goes to whoever e-mails me the complete lyrics to this gem.  'Nuff said.

The Sopranos 
                          

Straight from a college essay I wrote (got an A, no big deal):
From the opening credits, one can see a life of constant contradiction. The pale, squeezed knuckles resting upon two bear-like arms. The lazy smoke billowing from a cartoonish cigar, a symbol of menacing power. The non-digenetic music with lyrics of murder and violence. With this intro, one can only think that they are witnessing the introduction of a heinous villain, a man whose moral ideologies are found in the slums and gutters. But the end of the introduction concludes at a suburban, family-welcoming home. So is the life of Tony Soprano, a flawed-antihero whose life is in constant check with the numerous contradictions in his life. Tony must deal with these contradictions every minute, whether it is the battle between his two families, the code he has taken clashing with his therapy treatment, or his own moral feelings, this contemporary mob boss has more issues than his “golden era” counterparts.
Wondering what one does with a degree in communications? You're looking at it.  

The Simpsons
The creme de la creme.  Big Daddy Warbucks.  By far the greatest introduction to a television program EVER.  Thematically, it shows a day-in-the-life of the great town of Springfield. Through the viewpoint of the First Royal Family of TV, we are welcomed by every character in this town and their major malfunctions.  It's a tour of Americana at its finest.  

As if it wasn't already amazing enough, every episode has a unique spin to it.  Bart writing fresh sentences repeatedly and the mad-dash to the sofa differ for each and every episode, giving a genuine unique feeling to every introduction.

                      

Honorable Mentions:


There you have it.  I'm sure our lists will differ, but if you feel like I missed an obvious one, let me know!